An Open Letter To My Son About Marriage
My oldest son Steve Junior, everyone calls him Stevie, is getting married on September 15th. I could not be more happy for him and our future daughter in law, Jessica. Stevie and I are like best friends. Our love language is surfing, the Padres, and NFL football. We were Charger fans until they moved to LA, now we are 49er fans. Stevie and I have done some traveling together. We have been to Costa Rica several times, Nicaragua, Mexico, three Hawaiian Islands, and more recently Bali. Most of our trips revolved around surfing but we did missions work in Nicaragua, Mexico, and Costa Rica.
Stevie and Jessica will have been together 12 years the day they get married. It will be my privilege to perform their ceremony. So here is what I want my son to know about marriage:
Stevie, Mom and I will have been married for 44 years on September 20th. You learn a few things about marriage after being married that long. Marriage is wonderful but it requires maintenance to keep it wonderful. In Ephesians 5:28 it says, …husbands ought to love their wives as much as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself.” Stevie, I wish I could tell you that I always loved Mom as much as I loved myself but that’s not the case. There were times I was selfish. BTW, your mom called me out on this early in our marriage. With some prompting from God and your mom I became a better husband.
I strongly advise you to put Christ in the center of your marriage. Mom and I went through some difficult times but what kept us together is our strong commitment to Jesus. Also, your Mom is amazing and the thought of losing her is unthinkable!
Mom and I love adventure and we love doing things together. I hope you and Jessica will find things you enjoy doing together.
When kids come along life gets extra busy and it requires being more intentional about having date nights and doing things together.
Be sure you know what Jessica’s love language is and keep the love coming.
Here’s another thing I think will help. Learn how to fight fair. Every couple fights a little and sometimes more than a little. Mom and I learned early on how to fight in a way that didn’t leave us with serious regrets about what we said to each other.
When it comes to making decisions, big or small, Mom and I did our best to make those decisions together. If we disagreed we would talk it out until we both felt good about our decision. I hope you and Jessica will do the same.
Be affectionate and stay affectionate. Mom and I still hold hands and cuddle.
Don’t try to change Jessica. I made the mistake of trying to change mom for a season and it put a real strain on our marriage. Once I decided I liked mom just as she is, everything got better.
If you have a son make sure you don’t name him after yourself! Just kidding Stevie. I’m glad you have my name and I’m very proud of you.
Keep your good sense of humor. Sometimes the best thing you can do is laugh at how crazy things get sometimes.
Be sure to look after Jessica’s safety at all times. It’s a crazy world out there and it’s not getting any better.
I have to admit I wasn’t the greatest at helping mom clean the house for the first part of our marriage. That was a mistake. Be sure to help Jessica in taking care of household chores as well as taking care of your vehicles.
When it comes to finances, make sure you plan together. Having a budget you both agree on will save you lots of stress and possibly a couple of nights of sleeping on the couch.
One last thing, learn these phrases well. I’m sorry or I apologize. These two phrases will keep you out of the dog house and keep your marriage strong.
Well, that’s all I have for now Stevie. Mom and I love you and we pray for God's blessing on your marriage.
Love Dad