Pre-Death-Eulogy
I’ve been a pastor for 35 years and in that time I’ve done my fair share of funerals and memorials. One of the highlights of such occasions is the eulogy. I’ve often thought to myself as the eulogy is being shared, “I wish the deceased were here to hear all these wonderful things that are being said about them.”
A few years ago I found out that one of my aunts had been diagnosed with terminal cancer and had maybe six months to live. My aunt lives in northern California. I began thinking about her funeral and the possibility I might not be able to go to her funeral. The idea of missing her funeral made me sad. This got me thinking about all the things I would say about my aunt if there was an opportunity to speak at her funeral. Then I had this idea. I thought to myself, “Why wait for the funeral to say all those nice things about her? Why not call her and tell her now?” So that is exactly what I did. I picked up the phone and I called her. She was surprised to hear from me and being a rather direct person said, “What do you want?” I said, “First of all I’m so sorry to hear about the cancer and I’m praying for you. Then I said, "If you pass I hope to come and honor you at your funeral but I would rather share my thoughts with you now.” She seemed a little stunned by what I said but I continued. For the next several minutes I shared with her how much I appreciated her. I told her that she was like a second mom to me. I shared old memories of spending time at her house and all the fun I had playing with my cousins, her kids. At the end of our conversation I told her that I loved her and thanked her for being such a wonderful blessing to me. She passed shortly after our conversation. I was so glad I had that conversation with my aunt.
About a year later her husband, my uncle, began failing in his health. I called him up and shared with him how much he meant to me. I told him how impressed I was by his constant pursuit of education and that he had inspired me to make education a priority in my life. Not only was he very well educated but he was a very successful businessman. He was my Dad's older brother and I knew his story well. They all grew up dirt poor but they all went on to be successful in their different fields of work. Uncle Lu as we called him became a multi-millionaire. I could hear in his voice a sense of joy and thankfulness in the things I said. He was well spoken and in his best words he thanked me for calling him. I could tell my words made him feel good. He died about six months after our conversation. I have other relatives that are pretty old and may not have a lot of time left. I hope to be able to have some pre-death-eulogy conversations with them before they pass.
So here is a thought. What if we didn’t wait until people were dead to say nice things about them? Is there someone you know who is maybe fading a little. You’re not sure how much time they have left. If they died you would go to their funeral and if given the opportunity you would say some beautiful things about them. Why not do it now? Can you imagine how much it would mean to them to hear you say the beautiful things about them now that you would have said at their funeral? Let me challenge you with a next step. When you finish reading this post grab something to write on. Next, think about someone you love who would greatly benefit from a pre-death-eulogy. Write their name down. Write down the things you would say at their funeral. When you are ready, pick up the phone and call them. Don’t text them or email them. They need to hear your voice. Whatever you say will be a precious gift to them. It will be a song in their heart.
Love and blessings,
Steve