Why Is This Happening To Me?

A lot of people want to know their future. In their quest to know their future some go to fortune tellers or perhaps check out their daily horoscope or go to psychic mediums to get more information about their future. Personally I think it’s a gift that we don’t know our future. For instance if someone had told me when I was 15 years old that I was going into full time vocational ministry I would have run for the hills. I wasn’t ready to hear that.

Four years later I received my call from God but I was still shocked. In fact I never saw it coming. I wonder how many of you have had a, “I never saw it coming experience?”

As followers of Christ we are called to submit and surrender our plans to God. When I look back at almost seven decades of living I see a lot of unexpected twists and turns in my life. Things happened that I didn’t understand and caused me to ask God, “Why is this happening to me?” Having received a call from God I knew the big picture of my life but I didn’t have the details. I was hired right out of college as a youth pastor. I got married a year later. Things were clicking along and I felt good about how things were going. When I was 27 the church I was working for began to experience financial problems and I was laid off. At the time I thought to myself, “This is not a problem, I’m sure I can find another ministry position soon.” I put my resume together and began circulating it around churches in Northern California where we were living at the time. In the meantime my wife Karen and I picked up various jobs so we could pay our bills. I began the interview process with several churches we were interested in.

A strange thing began happening. Before I tell you about the interviews you should know I am very good at doing job interviews. I don’t say that to brag, my dad taught me well. I started working for my dad’s business when I was 12 and  by age 16 he had me interviewing people to work for him. When my interviews with various churches didn’t pan out I began to second guess myself. I did interviews all over Northern California. I’m good at reading people and I can read a room. After every interview I felt confident I would get the job. Then a few days later I would get a phone call and the pastor or a staff member would tell me I didn’t get the job. Not only would they tell me I didn’t get the job but their voice was flat and indifferent. It was almost as if something had changed from the time of the interview and the phone call. After a year and a half of what felt like endless groundhog days I started losing hope. In my prayers I said, “God, why is this happening to me?” Have you ever found yourself saying those words to God?

All kinds of thoughts went through my mind in that period of time. Is there sin in my life? Is God punishing me? Is the devil attacking me? Did God change his mind about me being in ministry? What about Romans 8:28 where it says, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." I loved God but it seemed like nothing was working out. I was confused, angry, and wallowing in self pity. What I didn’t know is that God was preparing me for a ministry assignment that would change our geography and the direction of our lives.

One day I received a phone call from a friend I went to college with. He informed me that the pastor I last worked for had it out for me and in fact was bad mouthing me around the district. He was at the top of my reference list on my resume. Suddenly it all made sense. I would do the interview, the church would check up on my references and get a bad report about me. At least now I knew I wasn’t going crazy. Knowing my reputation had taken a hit in my Northern California district I immediately took said pastors name off my resume and began looking at churches in Southern California. I was hired as a youth pastor at a church in Fallbrook on the very first interview I did. I now understood why God allowed me to go through this terrible experience. The church I worked for in Fallbrook was a perfect fit for me and my family. We served there for eight wonderful years.

That wasn’t the last time I wondered about what God was up to. There have been some difficult seasons in my life but I have learned to reframe the question. Instead of asking God why, I now ask God what? What do you want me to learn from this experience? What should I do right now? If you are in a season of struggle I hope sharing my story will help you. 

Love and Blessings,

Steve